How Early Labels Can Shape Your Child’s Future
Imagine your child’s backpack slung over his shoulders, when he is heading off to school. It is filled with all the usual school essentials like books, pencils, and lunch. But what if I tell you there’s something else in that backpack, something far heavier, something invisible? Inside are the emotional burdens that go with him — the stress, anxiety and trauma. These weigh heavier than any book ever could, and follow the child into the classroom every day.
I’ll never forget a particular moment from my time as a school facilitator when I worked with a young girl, who had been slapped with the label of a “slow learner.” One day, as we were working on her writing assignment, she whispered, “I can’t do it.” Her voice wasn’t filled with frustration, but I could hear a deeper pain. Gently, I asked her “why” with a hug. What she said next shook me. She explained that the night before, her father had hurt her mother so badly that her face was bleeding. She was terrified and asked me to pray for her mother to heal.
It was at that moment I could clearly see the invisible weight she carried to school, a backpack full of fear, sadness, and worry. That is when the entire magnitude of the backpack became very real to me. Looking into her eyes, I realized something profound, that she was not alone and that children like her carry an invisible backpack to school every single day, one much heavier than the physical one. This unseen burden is filled with struggles, stress, worry, fear, anxiety, trauma, unmet physical needs, loneliness, anger, sadness, hopelessness and much more.
The Power of Labels
Mostly children carry these emotional loads very silently, but how we label them can either add to that burden or help them ease it. That is the choice we make.
Think about the labels we use so casually: We use all kinds of labels, ‘She’s a gifted child.’ ‘Nobody can control him.’ ‘He is always so difficult.’ ‘Oh, she’s just shy.’ These words may seem very harmless, but they can have a profound impact on every child’s identity. Trust me, labels stick! The child labelled ‘lazy’ begins to feel lazy. The ‘smart’ kid fears that anything less than perfect is a failure. Similarly, the child labelled as ‘difficult’ may start believing that they are a problem, even when sometimes all they need is understanding.
Research suggests that all such labels, positive and negative, influence how children see themselves and how they perform. Teachers, parents, and caregivers play a very powerful role in shaping a child’s self-perception. In 1964, a study was conducted known as the ‘Pygmalion Effect’ demonstrated that students began to perform better when teachers had higher expectations for them. The words of praise and encouragement we use with kids, whether they convey approval or blame, trust or disapproval, powerfully influence how children see themselves and how they act. Your belief in their potential can make a real difference in terms of how they perform. Trust me, We really do influence how kids perform through what we say. We are unsung heroes and villains in shaping children’s self-esteem.
This study is significant because it shows the power of expectations in shaping a child’s performance. Children rise—or fall—to meet the expectations set for them. If we see them as capable, they often begin to see themselves that way. But if we label them negatively, they internalize those identities, too.
A recent study from the American Psychological Association found something similar. Kids who were called “gifted” or “troublemakers” started to believe those traits were a fixed part of who they were. Because of that, they ended up limiting what they thought they could achieve, all because of the labels they were given.
But more worrying, labelling can have a profound impact on how children regard themselves and how they grow and develop. It is an issue that has been much written about by education thinkers and psychologists such as Dr Thomas Gordon, Alfie Kohn, Dr Shefali Tsabary and many others. For Kohn, labelling creates a fixed mindset in children. He cites research where children who were told that they were smart and then had to complete an easy task were less willing to put in the effort with a harder task than children who were told it was a simple task for all children. The children labelled ‘smart’ appeared reluctant to deviate from the boundaries of the label. They became averse to risk and resistant to a wider range of experiences. Kohn observes of labelling that: ‘Its net effect is … to discourage children from pushing their own limits, mentally or otherwise. As soon as people settle on a label – especially a self-description – they have an incentive to fit that label and to avoid experiences that might undermine it, or even question it.’ So, what if we stopped labelling?
How Labels Affect Development
Labels are not just names we give; they’re actually mirrors that reflect back to children who they think they are. As mentioned before, these labels create self-fulfilling prophecies. A child called ‘slow-learner’ may start to believe they are incapable of effort. In contrast, a ‘smart’ child might develop anxiety about always needing to be perfect.But it’s important to remember that labels aren’t set in stone. With the right support and guidance, children can change how they see themselves and grow beyond those labels, giving us hope and motivation to help them do so.
As parents, teachers, and caregivers, we need to stop and ask ourselves: What invisible weight is my child carrying today? Are they struggling with fear because of tough times at home? Feeling anxious about fitting in with their friends? Sad because they feel unnoticed? These emotions don’t vanish when kids walk into the classroom; they follow them, affecting their ability to focus, learn, and grow. It’s vital that we recognize and empathize with these emotional burdens because they are part of the child’s everyday reality and can deeply influence their learning and development.
So when a child is labeled as a “troublemaker” or a “slow learner,” they might not act out because they want to, but because they feel they have to—it’s who they believe they are.It limits their potential and their ability to express who they truly are. The label, in other words, can create an identity as something limiting and something they want to change if they can. On the other hand, labelling a child “gifted” can also be very problematic, as it creates unrealistic expectations, and that can lead to burnout or develop afear of failure.
Moving Beyond Labels
We need to rethink how we approach children’s struggles in school and at home. Instead of deploying a label, unthinkingly, we need to pause for a minute and ask ourselves: What burdens is a childcarrying that we can’t see? Remember what’s in the child’s invisible backpack?
Here are some ways we can begin to make a shift:
Praise the Process, Not Just the Result
Always try to focus on the effort, persistence, and resilience a child shows rather than just their results. Just think how we always do the opposite of it. In contrast, if you work in education, it is more likely the case that the end result is overly emphasized .
This will help instill a ‘growth’ rather than ‘fixed’ mindset in your child (i.e., the belief that ability can grow through learning and effort rather than being inherently fixed); research suggests that children praised for effort will face more challenges than those praised for being ‘smart’ or the result. [A clear example of traditional, fixed-ability praise: ‘Wow, you did a great job!’ A growth mindset praise: ‘Wow, you must have really worked hard on this!’] Children praised for qualities tied to the actual work, such as effort, persistence, strategies, resilience, and courage, will have a growth mindset and face challenges and setbacks *
Be Mindful of Your Words: Avoid labelling your child based on their performance or behaviour. Make sure to word your language carefully so as to not attach any labels to your child based on the ways they perform: Never use ‘you’ statements – as in You’re so lazy when you procrastinate like that – but rather ‘I’ statements, which allow your child to problem-solve. Avoid saying, “You’re so lazy,” try reframing it: “I notice you’re struggling with getting started. How can I help?” Just making small changes in your statement encourages problem-solving rather than self-doubt.
Foster Emotional Awareness: Help your kid name her feelings and express them in words. You might say: ‘I notice you’re angry/exhausted/sad/scared. Just let them know that “I want you to know it’s completely okay to feel that way, and that these feelings don’t define you”. Having these open conversations creates a safe space where children can process their emotions rather than carry them silently.
As educators, parents, and caregivers, we all have the responsibility to be mindful of the labels we give and the words we use, ensuring that we are supporting their growth rather than hindering it and pushing them back.
When we set aside labels, we give children the space to learn—not just academically, but as people. We help them carry their invisible backpacks with a little less weight. We can surely empower our children to rewrite the stories those labels have imposed on them and to see themselves as more capable, resilient individuals full of potential.
Ending the Weight of Labels
The way we speak to and about our children has the power to shape their future. Our words weigh our children down or give them a lift.
And so, I’ll leave you with this: The next time your child walks through the door, ask yourself—what invisible weight are they carrying or What possible stories and labels are shaping them and what can we do, as parents, caregivers, and educators, to help them feel lighter, more understood, and more empowered?
Children’s backpacks will always be full—of books, lunches, and homework. But it’s our job to help them carry the invisible loads they bring with them, too, making sure that they don’t have to bear those burdens alone.
This article is also featured in Early Years Magazine and EYE Innovators Tribune.
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- Colour Psychology in Education: Impact on Learning and Mood | EuroKids. https://www.eurokidsindia.com/blog/how-colours-affect-learning-and-mood-of-children.php
- Gordon, T. (1970). Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children. New York: Three Rivers Press.
- Kohn, A. (1999). Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A’s, Praise, and Other Bribes. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
- Cassells, T., & ‘OBroin, D. (2017). Investigating the use of Game Elements in Motivating Time-Management for Students. European Conference on Games Based Learning, (), 784-792.
- Tsabary, S. (2010). The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children. Namaste Publishing.
- Rosenthal, R., & Jacobson, L. (1968). Pygmalion in the Classroom: Teacher Expectation and Pupil’s Intellectual Development. Holt, Rinehart & Winston.
- American Psychological Association (2015). The Effects of Labelling in Children. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2015/children-labelling
- EuroKids (2021). Colour Psychology in Education: Impact on Learning and Mood. Retrieved from https://www.eurokidsindia.com/blog/how-colours-affect-learning-and-mood-of-children
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