Madeeha Damoun

Raising Resilient Muslims:

 

I feel truly blessed by Allah to enjoy the companionship of my children, Alhamdulillah. Lately, our kids are often bombarded with contrasting messages. We parents must actively counteract these influences by instilling our children the proper knowledge and values. I also believe that leading by example is essential.

Our actions speak louder than our words.

By demonstrating our trust in Allah through our daily lives, we can inspire our children to do the same. It’s about creating an environment where trusting in Allah becomes second nature.

I believe that nurturing confident, knowledgeable Muslims begins with instilling a deep trust in Allah. Providing the right knowledge and setting a positive example can create a strong foundation for our children to develop unwavering faith. This will benefit them personally and contribute to the betterment of our society as a whole.

I hope this reflection resonates with other parents. Together, we can raise a generation of strong, resilient individuals who trust in Allah and are empowered to make a positive impact in the world.

I’ve come across stories of mothers from Palestine who have experienced the heart-wrenching loss of their children. Some had waited 12 long years to be blessed with children, to have their prayers answered, and yet, tragically, the child’s life is taken in the blink of an eye due to the prevailing barbarism. It’s a stark reminder of the fragility of life and the unpredictable nature of our journey.

I’ve experienced the heartbreaking loss of four children: two stillbirths and two miscarriages. The pain of losing a child is something I can truly empathize with. I find myself reflecting on the agony and helplessness that those mothers must be going through right at this moment. It’s hard even to imagine the depth of their feelings. I’m compelled to ask myself,

“How must those mothers be feeling?”

and, more importantly,

“How can I offer them support?”

Let’s delve deep into child rearing and its impact on society. It got me thinking about how to make a positive difference, mainly supporting moms in Gaza after these losses.

I realize that by nurturing confident Muslims, I can turn them into a source of strength for others. I want to encourage individuals whom others can turn to for help and who are empowered to provide that support.

Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed me with freedom, peace, and access to so much knowledge. It makes me ponder: How will I answer to Allah in the end? I’ve only raised average Muslims. Have I set low standards due to my own laziness, failing to provide them with the proper knowledge? It’s a thought-provoking responsibility that I’m determined to take seriously.

I am determined to empower my children and connect them deeply with our beautiful Deen. I want them to be self-sufficient and capable of helping themselves and others. After all, if they can’t help themselves, how can they extend a helping hand to others? My goal is to nurture confident Muslims who, with the mercy of Allah, won’t, hopefully, experience helplessness.

Reflecting on my own experiences, I recall feeling helpless at their age and even today. It struck me when I watched videos from Gaza, where children who’ve lost everything still manage to smile. On the flip side, I see kids whining and crying over minor setbacks around us. I couldn’t help but wonder:

What magic or secret knowledge do the parents in Gaza possess?

Raising children correctly is undoubtedly challenging in this age of countless distractions. However, Allah chose my children to come into this era, making them capable, and entrusted me as their mom because He believes in my capability. I now must understand this responsibility and actively work towards it.

As I pondered, it struck me – the missing piece in me that the mother in Gaza seems to have is

“Absolute trust in Allah”!

We all talk about having faith in Allah, but do we truly trust Him as we should? Even Iblis knew Allah and believed in Him, but trust was lacking. His arrogance led him to believe he was the best, and at that moment, he refused to trust Allah and didn’t bow down.

Reflecting on our current state, I ask myself, “Do we trust Him the way we should?” When I delve deep within, I question the strength of my own trust, and all I find are tears in my eyes.

Imagine how much easier things could be if we cultivate strong trust in Allah within ourselves and instill that in our children. Praying Salah would become a natural part of their lives, and hardships might not seem as overwhelming because they trust His plans. Our Duas would carry a different weight, becoming a potent tool.

Please take a moment to observe our current state as a Ummah. We find ourselves constantly questioning:

“Am I good enough? Can I really do this?” Self-doubt runs deep, often causing us to hesitate or avoid trying new things. Our minds resist putting in effort for something we’ve convinced ourselves we’re incapable of doing.

 

We live in a world where the West often emphasizes phrases like “believe in yourself,” “you are the writer of your own story,” and “do it, as you only live once.” As we absorb these ideas, the focus tends to shift, and we begin placing our trust in things that, deep down, we know aren’t true. As Muslims, our trust should be placed in Allah. Only then can we face calamities with a smiling face.

I’m not suggesting that our kids only need unfavorable circumstances to develop trust in Allah and secure a place in Jannah.

Absolutely not!

We, as parents, need to address the decline in our children’s character and Imaan. How can we do that? After reflecting, it starts with providing them with the proper knowledge. I read somewhere,

 

” The foundation of trust is built on knowledge.”

 

We can contribute to our children’s understanding by offering them the proper knowledge about Allah’s mercy, the miracles of the prophets, and Allah’s love. However, we must possess this knowledge first. The world around them, including cartoons, peers, teachers, TV, and relatives, might convey conflicting messages, potentially causing confusion and anxiety. As moms, we must provide them with the right mindset and knowledge.

I’ve started engaging in conversations with my kids lately. Even though they might not be overly keen on discussing things, I’ve noticed their hearts’ purity. It’s significantly purer than ours. If we administer the proper guidance and knowledge, we can lead them in the right direction, fostering a reliance on Allah.

One of the challenges facing the Muslim Ummah today is our reluctance to take on leadership roles. We tend to cling to our comfort zones, reluctant to step out even when it’s necessary. We need to remember that growth happens outside our comfort zones.

It’s crucial to teach our children the importance of taking the lead and trying new things, even if it means stepping out of their comfort zones. They can only be contented during challenging times by trusting Allah.

When you strive for something good, face opposition from others who advise you to stay away, put yourself in a challenging situation, and yet persist with trust in Allah, believing in the power of Dua—that’s when the habit of relying on Allah in times of hardship develops. It’s a mindset we should cultivate and pass on to the next generation.

As a mother, imparting the proper knowledge and actively seeking it to help your child develop trust in Allah is crucial.

Let me share a personal experience: when I was pregnant with twins after having lost three children before, the situation became critical. Covered in blood, in an ambulance, and hearing that there was no heartbeat, I found myself praying devotedly to Allah to save my children. Despite crippling pain, I did not show it, not wanting to be rushed into the operating theater.

A French Muslim doctor, the head of the department, was called in. Witnessing my condition, he couldn’t hold back tears, acknowledging the pain I was enduring to save my children. Eventually, a faint heartbeat was detected. But that was not enough; I wanted to be sure that both babies were doing fine. Dua was the only thing I had. I spent three challenging months in the hospital, making doctors, nurses, support staff, and even the gatekeeper emotional with my unwavering hope. Flowers from the gatekeeper and support staff every day and the tears of doctors spoke volumes.

My twins, now ten years old, Alhamdolliah, are a living miracle. The entire hospital staff celebrated their birth, labeling them miracle babies. Reflecting on this journey, it’s almost unbelievable how things turned around. I attribute it to putting my trust in Allah. He was with me throughout, making the impossible possible.

Reflecting on this journey, I realize that even during the most challenging times, knowing Allah is with me got me through. Now, I feel a responsibility to teach my children about His watchful presence, His wisdom, and His promises in the Quran and instill in them a belief in Qadar. I understand the need to work on myself continuously.

 

May Allah make this journey of guiding our children easy for us. Ameen