Madeeha Damoun

A Wake-up Call for Parents

The current state of the Muslim community is troubling due to lack of sincerity towards one another; especially during natural disasters when our selfishness takes over even if we are unscathed ourselves.  This thought hit me, and all I could focus on was the current state of the Muslim community. The lack of sincerity towards each other is really disheartening. When we face natural disasters, we tend to be selfish, only concerned with our own safety. We say “Alhamdulillah” because we’re unaffected, ignoring the devastation in the next street. I often wonder, are we truly the united ummah our Prophet spoke of? He likened us to a single body, where the pain of one part should be felt by the whole. But it seems our collective conscience is paralyzed; we don’t feel the pain. It appears as though our collective consciousness is paralyzed. When our limbs are severed, the signal doesn’t reach our brain, and we remain unconcerned to the pain.

What happened to us? Why are we like this? I’ve pondered over why our generation seems to lack empathy and compassion. It struck me, and Sir Salman’s explanation makes sense. We’ve become desensitized, thanks to the influence of media, social media, and even video games.

We are exposing Our children to violent games these days without even knowing, which numbs them to the real-world suffering, which is concerning. I remember when I recently visited Centaurs with my mom, we stopped at the prayer area near a store named J-dot. On our way back, we observed a 6 or 7 year-old child engrossed in an online game. My mother being concerned, asked him about the game he was playing. His answer revealed a very troubling scenario; he was controlling a man with a gun, causing mayhem, and showing violence with every shot. My mom expressed her concern to the child’s father, highlighting the inappropriateness of these kind of games to such a young child. The father laughed it off, as we belong from another planet or speak an alien language that no one can understand!! This incident supported the idea that we are desensitizing our own generation. We can’t just blame this generation; we are the ones presenting them with these tools without right guidence. It’s like handing them a sharp knife without explaining its risks, putting not only them but everyone around them at a risk.

Another thought struck me that we’re so deeply divided into groups that our focus is only on our own people, our own sect. The well-being of others or different groups will become irrelevant.

As I reflected on this, a haunting memory surfaced — the earthquake in Azad Kashmir, causing widespread destruction. I remembered a disheartening event that was emotionally overwhelming, when the earthquake caused massive devastation. In this chaos, people were desperately searching for their loved ones under the rubble of a school building. In attempt to rescue their own children, some were tossing pieces of concrete without regard for others. In one heart-wrenching moment, a man threw a large piece that landed on the face of our relative’s daughter. She was half buried under the rubble, unable to move, and ended up with a disfigured face, her nose severed, and her face badly injured. As she recounts the traumatic scene, she remembers shouting at the top of her lungs, desperately pleading for them not to throw pieces on her side as she lay trapped. I don’t blame the person who threw the stones; perhaps in the middle of such distress, rational thinking eluded him, and he couldn’t comprehend the situation.

However, it highlights a broader issue; we are so deeply attached to our own groups that we often overlook the harm we may cause to others. Our focus is solely on what belongs to us — our cult, our sect, our family. This lack of empathy and kindness reveals a selfish and self-centered society. We claim faithfulness a to an ummah or a religion, but in reality, it seems we prioritize only ourselves!! The final part of the statement brought forth a disheartening realization about our current era, education, and system. According to Sir, adopting a humble attitude paves the way for an enlightening journey to acquire knowledge. He points out that our deficiency in knowledge stems from our pride and stubbornness. The realization hit me — why hadn’t I thought about this earlier? No one had prompted me to ponder on this aspect. The missing element today seems to be sincerity. If we investigate our history alone, we will discover that, for about 300 years, Muslims have been the leading scientists. These scholars were not only had a comprehensive knowledge on Quran and Hadith but also eminent in many scientific fields including astronomy, geography, mathematics, etc. On googling these: 8th, 9th, and 10th, I discovered a very long list of capable Muslim scientists.

The final part of the statement triggered a profound realization about our current era, education, and system. Sir emphasizes that a humble attitude paves the way for an enlightening journey to acquire knowledge. This insight stirred a deep sadness within me, thinking about our education system today. I found myself questioning why this perspective hadn’t occurred to me earlier. No one had ever prompted me to think this way before. The key missing element, it seems, is sincerity… This realization left me pondering: What went wrong? Why haven’t modern scholars reached the same standard? We have many Hafiz ul Qutran today, but why aren’t we reaching those levels of excellence? Why do we fall short of reaching those historical levels? Why can’t we produce scientists of that caliber again? It dawned on me that this is precisely why Sir is critical of the current educational system!! It seems that after pursuing higher education in this system, we are neither committed to our Deen nor fully equipped for the challenges of the world. In essence, we seem to be failing both our Duniya and our Deen.

As I reflect more, I can’t help but feel that something else has gone wrong: the way we are bringing up our kids. I turn my thoughts to the mothers of this era. Everything has changed in the way we approach the upbringing of our children, the way we outsource their Tarbiyah, and how we let them spend their time. Even as a mom our role models have shifted. Nowadays, moms are often inspired by so called celeberties like Angelina Jolie, Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, Priyanka Chopra Jonas, and many others. These celebrities have become the role models for modern mothers!! It’s time for a shift in our thinking. We need to change our role models. Looking back at our history, we find true role models; mothers who raised exceptional children, like the mom of Imam Malik. There’s a fascinating story about how she guided him when he expressed a desire to be a singer as a little boy. She didn’t dismiss his dreams; instead, she engaged in a conversation, helping him understand the value of knowledge over short-lived fame. She encouraged him to become a scholar, emphasizing that knowledge grows with age and brings in more respect.

Imam Malik’s mother was not only aware of the value of knowledge but also understood the importance of choosing the right teacher. Imam Malik’s mother advised him to learn from a person’s manners before their knowledge. This shows her awareness of the importance of character in addition to knowledge. She had diligently worked to know which teachers would be, preparing him for a future of learning. She instilled in him a deep respect for learning. Imam Malik’s teacher, Rabia, was also a product of the dedicated parenting of an incredible mother. Rabia’s mother faced challenges when her husband left her with 30,000 dinars before Rabia’s birth. Thirty years later, the father returned, discovering Rabia as a knowledgeable scholar. This illustrates the remarkable outcomes of dedicated mothers. These incredible mothers had ambitious visions for their children, and having role models like them can reshape our perspectives. When we adopt such mothers as our role models, we have the potential to change our vision and inspire a positive shift in parenting and education. There’s something crucial we need to focus on to elevate ourselves as mothers because life often throws challenges our way. We have to continuously work on raising our standards, and pushing ourselves to reach our best. And how do we achieve that? As we encourage our children to have role models, similarly as adults, we need role models, actually the good ones. It’s easy to become content with our daily routines, especially in something as fundamental as our five daily prayers. We might think we’re doing well. However, when we encounter someone who consistently prays tahajjud, dedicating several hours each night despite work and family responsibilities, it makes us think, “Wow, that’s possible, and I want to strive for that too.” Sometimes, we might compare ourselves to non-Muslim mothers, finding comfort in the notion that at least our kids aren’t doing certain things. Or we might look at mothers similar to us, all struggling to encourage their children to pray and thinking, “Well, everyone’s in the same boat.” While this might make us feel okay about our efforts, it’s when we witness others excelling, doing far better, that we realize the potential for greatness even in today’s time.

That realization becomes the spark that ignites our aspiration to aim higher, to raise our standards. It’s these moments of seeing others surpassing that prompt us to reach for more and continually elevate our own standards. As I sit here reflecting and writing, I ponder on the idea of a role model, specifically, who my role model is? My thoughts lead me to explore the stories of remarkable mothers from the past, discovering the unique qualities that made their children stand out as inspirational figures. In this reflection, I can’t help but wonder where we went wrong, causing a shift in our role models. To alter the path of our children’s future, there’s a need to change the perspective of mothers. Instead of channeling efforts into pursuits like shopping, makeovers, and clothing designing, the focus should shift towards the upbringing and nurturing and tarbiyah of our children. I believe it all boils down to one key principle: sincerity!! Being sincere in whatever we do, steering clear of stubbornness and arrogance, holds the power to elevate our education standards. This shift in focus and mindset has the potential to bring about positive changes in the way we raise and nurture the next generation.